BREAKING: Connor McDavid Is Deathly Afraid Of Ketchup
If there's one group of people in this world who I truly cannot stand, it's those who think they are too good for ketchup. I'm not saying that we should go around smothering everything we eat in ketchup. There's certainly a time and a place. But to act like your palate is simply too superior for ketchup is absurd. Ketchup is fucking delicious and you know it.
However, it doesn't appear that Connor McDavid thinks that he's too good for ketchup. Thanks to the new Amazon docuseries "Faceoff: Inside The NHL", we now know that McJesus is just afraid of ketchup. To the point where his wife literally needs to sneak it into the house like she's having an affair with a condiment.
This is something that really needs to get unpacked. For starters, we need to know where this fear of ketchup originated. There are some things in life that humans are just naturally terrified of whether it's heights, snakes and spiders, and tight spaces. Nobody is born with the fear of ketchup. Maybe a child could mistake it for blood, but even that's a stretch. Something happened one fateful day in Connor McDavid's childhood that made him horrified of ketchup, and I think it's our right to know.
Secondly, what does he think is going to happen to him if he mistakenly eats ketchup? Does he think he'll die? Does he think that all of his powers will go away? Does he think that ketchup will send him spiraling down a dark path of compulsive condiment binging where he'll gain 50 lbs one offseason annihilating entire tubs of ketchup, mayo and bbq sauce?
Either way, you have to figure the Oilers hate the fact that this information got out there. Imagine they're on the road and hire a restaurant to cater their team dinner. If I'm that restaurant, I'm covering everything in ketchup. Throwing extra ketchup packets in every bag. Maybe McDavid feel like he has to play his Jordan Flu game 41 times per year. Nobody on the ice is able to stop Connor McDavid, but the guys delivering his food sure can.
P.S. -- How much do you think McDavid would hate being teammates with Erik Karlsson?